betting on the brokedown

ok, i'll admit that though i'm not his biggest fan, i would like to have at least one more healthy, "vintage" season out of the guy (considering what we gave up for him). he is a good pitcher when on top of his game.

that said, if the contract walt offered him is not incentive laden to the point of near-ridiculousness, i may have to kill someone. maybe something like this

base yr 1: $500,000
>50 innings: $500,000
>100 innings: $1,000,000
>150 innings: $1,000,000
>10 wins: $1,000,000
>15 wins: $1,000,000
no dl time after returning: $500,000
not frosting his hair in '07: $500,000
no interviews until return: $500,000
not sounding like a douche when he does do interviews after return: $500,000
total with all incentives: 7mm

base yr 2: $1,500,000
>50 innings: $500,000
>100 innings: $1,000,000
>150 innings: $1,000,000
>200 innings: $1,500,000
>10 wins: $1,000,000
>15 wins: $2,000,000
1 or more home runs hit: $50,000 each
not frosting his hair in '08: $500,000
not beating redbird brass at golf: $500,000
not sounding like a douche in interviews: $500,000
not wearing a "sounds of the game" mic: $500,000
total with all incentives: 11mm + hr (hit) bonuses

for the "not sounding like a douche" incentives, i offer my services to the cardinals for a mere 50k per year.

i should write contracts for the cards. think of how much we could have saved on marquis if we'd had a "not sounding like a douche" clause...