hamlet rides again

the st louis cardinals have re-signed outfielder preston "hamlet, prince of denmark" wilson to a 1 year deal. i, for one, am in favor of this, as it means i have a whole new baseball season to reference hamlet and baseball. it also means that mookie "claudius" wilson will be spending a lot more time in st louis.

ok, let me qualify. provided we didn't pay him an absurd sum, i like this signing.

second qualifier: by absurd sum, i mean an absurdly large sum. i don't mean "league minimum + 83lbs of m&m's, six crocodile teeth, and enough helium balloons to fly to nepal." that would actually be reasonable.

betting on the brokedown

ok, i'll admit that though i'm not his biggest fan, i would like to have at least one more healthy, "vintage" season out of the guy (considering what we gave up for him). he is a good pitcher when on top of his game.

that said, if the contract walt offered him is not incentive laden to the point of near-ridiculousness, i may have to kill someone. maybe something like this

base yr 1: $500,000
>50 innings: $500,000
>100 innings: $1,000,000
>150 innings: $1,000,000
>10 wins: $1,000,000
>15 wins: $1,000,000
no dl time after returning: $500,000
not frosting his hair in '07: $500,000
no interviews until return: $500,000
not sounding like a douche when he does do interviews after return: $500,000
total with all incentives: 7mm

base yr 2: $1,500,000
>50 innings: $500,000
>100 innings: $1,000,000
>150 innings: $1,000,000
>200 innings: $1,500,000
>10 wins: $1,000,000
>15 wins: $2,000,000
1 or more home runs hit: $50,000 each
not frosting his hair in '08: $500,000
not beating redbird brass at golf: $500,000
not sounding like a douche in interviews: $500,000
not wearing a "sounds of the game" mic: $500,000
total with all incentives: 11mm + hr (hit) bonuses

for the "not sounding like a douche" incentives, i offer my services to the cardinals for a mere 50k per year.

i should write contracts for the cards. think of how much we could have saved on marquis if we'd had a "not sounding like a douche" clause...

plea for sanity/rant of the insane

eighteen million dollars a year for barry zito? i'll bet supp wishes he had held out a while longer.

let's discuss salaries in baseball for a moment.

first off, i will make the disclaimer that i am something of a socialist and fully expect to see class warfare within my lifetime.

now, this is america, and entertainment is the ultimate good, so naturally, we pay those who entertain us extravagantly. professional sports are at least merit based, unlike hollywood, where being someone's nephew can guarantee a career (cough*nic*cage*cough), so i'll lay off that.

in a country where most households won't make baseball's league minimum salary, i think the sport needs a salary cap. nothing too restrictive, say 20 million a year, moving up on a sliding scale along with the minimum, but a cap is necessary nonetheless.

i'm not trying to sound too preachy, but our values as a culture are fucked up. when a teacher has to work a night job to keep food on the table, we shouldn't be paying someone the gross national product of malawi to play ball. yes, they provide a distraction from our pains as the everyday people, but we must look at it from a populist perspective. baseball is supposed to be our sport, yet ticket prices go ever upward, bleachers are torn down to make room for more luxury boxes, and virtually every game is on cable tv, often requiring an additional expenditure if you don't live close to your team's home town. furthermore, we're working our way back to having several teams in each of a very few cities as teams like the royals struggle year after year with low payrolls, low attendance, and low expectations. yes, new york is a big market, but folks in the midwest like baseball too.

ok, end of socialist rant.